If it sounds too good to be true, you're going to need to change your t-shirt.

I'm a simple lady. I like to eat and drink and sit and walk. And my two favorite things are probably dogs and milkshakes. So imagine my thrill, my hope, my exhilaration, when I learned via coupon that one of these things could soon be a regular part of my life (no thanks to Charles' refusal to let a beautiful puppy bring us joy) because Edy's has invented a single-serving, at-home "Shake" that requires just adding milk and stirring! Scooping ice cream? Forget about it! Cleaning your blender? Eff that!

Hope for a better tomorrow.

I really did believe that this would increase my summer fun by, like, 400%. And then I used my coupon and the truth came out.

Never mind that these "shakes" are stored in the freezer, hence they are frozen. The directions said to add milk and stir, so gosh darnit, that's what I did. Nothing more, nothing less. And three seconds later, physics had the last laugh and my kitchen was covered in dairy.

I wish it could be that simple.

 Cleverly on the part of Edy's, my coupon was good for a discount on the purchase of 3 milk grenades, so I was afforded an opportunity for learning and growth. "This time will be different!", I thought. "I'm going to take responsibility for my role in yesterday's chocolately monsoon and leave the cup on the counter to thaw out a bit before I go human-Kitchenaid on its ass."

10 minutes rolled by and I optimistically skipped back into the kitchen and stepped right up to a nice cup of cookies and cream soup. Good one, shake. I added the milk and put it back in the freezer. And checked on it. And checked on it again. And when it was really cold, still not frozen, I grumbled with it back to the couch. And were it not intoxicatingly delicious despite its liquidity I would've sworn off this effort altogether.

By the time I figured out the perfect counter-thaw time (3 minutes), I was down to my last shake (and my last nerve) and it was vanilla and it was bland. Our verdict: While I appreciate Edy's appreciation of how much it sucks to clean a blender, I've had enough of their lies (see below). If you're still not convinced, at least wear a poncho. Learn from my mistakes.

Still half true.

 

Getting settled?

Aaand we live here now.

Moving is hard. Facing visual reminders of your hypocrisy in the form of boxes of pretty useless stuff after vowing to never earn a spot on Hoarders is hard. Maintaining diplomacy and kindness when asserting where the TV should go so that it doesn't become the centerpiece of the room and scream WE LOVE TV when you walk in the door... hypothetically... is hard.

But...

We live here now!

Living with Charles is easy. Being with someone who's helpful and kind, and who's interested in creating and maintaining comfort, is easy. Visits from friends, announced or not, that end up on the back patio at best and with tours of the place at least, are easy.

So thank you. We are very thankful for our dear friends. Please come here everyday. Seriously. It's cool.

That being said, the reality of working has meant that what I thought would be a whirlwind of cleaning and sorting and painting and placing has actually been more like... sitting. Drinking. Watching Hoarders.

There are some mini-improvements to speak of. Twinkly lights. Two hanging baskets that Charles found reminiscent of blueberries (and therefore obviously destined to be ours). Our names are on the mailbox. Is the living room free of boxes? Are we certain of what furniture we'll have and where it will go? Nono. But we're getting there.

Blueberry!

So stay tuned. It's not that the to-do list doesn't exist (it does). It's that I'd rather have you over and give you and some ice cream - I mean just you - my undivided attention.